I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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