Is it normal to miss your booty call?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
