we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you win again, gameday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is this like a preordered booty call?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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