I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
