His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
