Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
