you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
