I can't watch pbs sober anymore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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