apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
