I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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