You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
