Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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