I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
