thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
