Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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