Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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