Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
