i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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