remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
