You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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