Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
