my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize