i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
