i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
