EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
