I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just googled if crying burns calories
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
