My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
