i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
