He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
