she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
