if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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