i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
