And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
