I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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