Don't make out with my wife yet
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
