Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
