dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's blow job season.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
