In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just blew my weed a kiss
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
