well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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