If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
