When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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