Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
