I want to walk on stilts...naked
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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