why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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