Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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