Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
