9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
