I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
