I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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