So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We need to get me chipped asap
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
