The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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