i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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