my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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