You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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