How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
