I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
