I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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