rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize