Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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