I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
