I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
