just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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